About the Book:
My father taught me that life wasn’t meant to be easy. I don’t think that he knew it was going to be as difficult for me as it was.
Only when we start to die, do we stop apologizing for who we are and what we go through.
After suffering an unimaginable heart break, a dejected man suffers through depression and frustration.
After four years of misery he considers ending it all.
What began as a suicide note then turns into a hilarious, disruptive and unapologetic book series.
1: Tell us a little about yourself and what got you in to writing?
I have always been a bit of a lost soul and have spent the last 20-odd years either running away from something or running to find something. I wasn’t sure till one day I found what I wanted and then I knew I had been searching. My writing is a classic chicken and the egg story. I have always loved to express myself with writing in some way, I have always known that I harbour feelings of frustration and depression. Whether I write because I am depressed, or I am depressed because I write, I don’t know. To finally sit down with the drive and nerve to write my first three books came about because of an overwhelming tragedy that was going on in my life that I needed to find a way to remove my feelings from.
2: Do you have a favourite time and place where you write?
During the stillness of the day is my favourite. Either early in the morning before the sun comes up or late, late at night. When everyone in my house is asleep and it is only myself, my thoughts and a hot cup of tea. Because of when I like to write, the downstairs kitchen table has become the default location. Trying to write in a room while my wife is sleeping is an absolute nonstarter and a danger to my health.
3: Where do your ideas come from?
For my first books, I went simple, start with the idea of the inanity of life. That is a universal subject and I know it well, as I have screwed up plenty. Plus, I have an insidious form of ADD. I can be doing something completely unrelated to writing and ideas flood into my head. Running on the treadmill – ideas about plot. Watering my vege garden – ideas about character. Scaling Mt. Everest – ideas about improving a punchline for a joke. I have exactly 30 seconds to write it down or it disappears and I cannot remember what it is. Where those thoughts come from? Buggered if I know. All my ideas at the end of the day come from either the piece of paper in my pocket, or in a WhatsApp message that I told my wife to send me.
4: Do you have a plan in your head of where the story is going before you start writing or do you let it carry you along as you go?
I don’t even know where I put my car keys when I get home from work. I think my story writing is like hot air ballooning. There is the designated starting point, but after that… good luck where I end up. I think things are more interesting that way, at least for me as the writer. Otherwise writing a book would be like repeating 5th grade geography for 10 years. I know what is going to be on the test already but I still must sit through the same class every day. Plus, it helps that I write in a stream of consciousness style like James Joyce. I think he also was an avid hot air balloonist.
5: What genre are your books and what drew you to that genre?
My first three books are all humor, because they are about the most depressing experience someone can have in life. I didn’t get to choose, the genre picked me as I needed to write to cheer myself up. They are memoirish, but my life has been quite exotic so it appears to be fictional. I like writing about real things, real people, real experiences. Truth is stranger than fiction, therefore a great deal more interesting and relatable I think. Who honestly can relate to 50 Shades of Gray outside of a drunken fantasy that you tell your BFF in the bathroom of the nightclub?
6: What dream cast would you like to see playing the characters in your latest book?
Ha. Well I already have Keanu Reeves pegged for a minor role as a cricket umpire. Meryl Streep to play a prostitute in a Montevideo brothel I found myself in. Wesley Snipes can play himself, when he gets out of jail. David Schwimmer can play himself, Billy Campbell too, Angelina Jolie likewise. Other than those people, it doesn’t matter. Anyone can play the characters, as they are the ordinary people who see every day, going about their business and taking care of their shit.
7: Do you read much and if so who are your favourite authors.
I wish I could read a lot more. Sometimes in life you must prioritize what you have time for and I have had little time for anything else outside of work and writing for 6 months. I hope to soon get back to getting drunk on Friday nights and acknowledging to my wife and step kids that they are alive.
8: What book/s are you reading at present?
I am reading something titled, ‘You’ve spent 6 months writing a book, here are a list of chores you have neglected during that time.’ Actually no, that is a note from my wife.
9: What is your favourite book and why?
The Plum Rain Scroll. A Children’s book I read nearly 40 years ago. Have read it again maybe 50 times since and thought I would like to write children’s books as this book inspired me to imagine and dream. I rewrote it as a screenplay and pitched it to Hollywood, but have not gotten any interest. I love Bill Bryson and Clive Cussler as authors. This new book about chores that I haven’t done for 6 months has really caught my attention though. Don’t think I will be able to put it down, if I value my life.
10: What advice would you give for someone thinking about becoming a writer?
Tell your family and friends you love them, then say good-bye. If married, get a good pre-nup in place first so your partner doesn’t take everything when they leave you. Stand in front of the mirror and say, ‘Your book sucks,’ a thousand times or until you stop being offended and demoralized by this. Understand that your book sucks. Understand that it doesn’t matter your book sucks. Understand that it only matters when you stop working night and day to improve your book so it doesn’t suck. (Refer back to getting that pre-nup signed)
11: What are the best Social Media Sites for people to find out about you and your work?
I am not a big on social media outside of Amazon and Goodreads. The time I would need to dedicate to anything more would push my wife over the edge. Will that make it harder for me to get read and develop an audience? Probably, but it would be harder for me to walk to a book signing with two broken legs. I will rely on word of mouth and hope that Donald Trump gets pissed at me for some reason and abuses me on his Twitter. That would be good.
Other books in series:
About the Author:
If sarcasm was your acceptable daily allowance of protein, then author Simon Williams would be a juicy 12-ounce steak sandwiched between two pieces of red meat. In a recent Facebook posting of the 37 things people regret when they die, there was only one item he hadn’t done. Let go of a grudge, but he doesn’t regret it.
Born in Townsville, Queensland he now lives in Miami, Florida. He always wanted to move to Leningrad but is buggered if he can find where it is on a map. He has spent half his life having to tell Americans that he grew up near Sydney, as most of them have no idea that Australia has another city.
He started writing as a young man, first with a crayon, then a pencil, finally graduating to a ball point pen. His sense of humor was developed over 8 years of boarding school. As a way of both evading having the crap beaten out of him, while also dealing with being a smart boy who sat at the back of the class, but who couldn’t see the board because he refused to wear his glasses.
His favourite pastime is trolling his mates on Facebook and taking the piss out of them. He has only been unfriended twice, on both occasions by his wife.
Connect with Simon: