A collection of hilarious letters to iconic pop and rock stars with fantastic in-on-the-joke replies from the artists themselves: Eurythmics, Heaven 17, Deep Purple, Devo, Dr. Hook and many, many more…
For more than a decade, Derek Philpott and his son, Dave, have been writing deliberately deranged letters to pop stars from the 1960s to the 90s to take issue with the lyrics of some of their best-known songs. They miss the point as often as they hit it.
But then, to their great surprise, the pop stars started writing back…
Dear Mr Pop Star contains 100 of Derek and Dave’s greatest hits, including correspondence with Katrina and the Waves, Tears for Fears, Squeeze, The Housemartins, Suzi Quatro, Devo, Deep Purple, Nik Kershaw, T’Pau, Human League, Eurythmics, Wang Chung, EMF, Mott the Hoople, Heaven 17, Jesus Jones, Johnny Hates Jazz, Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine, Chesney Hawkes and many, many more.
Review:
“If you don’t like this book, then you’re no friend of mine.” Ivan Doroschuk, Men Without Hats
Purchase Links:
Amazon – UK / US
Dear Hazell Dean,
I found your song on the internet whilst looking for how to get to friends in Hazeldene, Chieveley.
In these celebrity and appearance-obsessed times it is admirable that you are searchin’ (looking for love) for a man who needn’t be handsome or have fortune or fame.
I fear however that you may be setting your sights a bit low, Ms Dean. You appear, rather than ”looking for someone to share your life” with’ on nights out with friends or on tentative dates, to be ”seekin’ ” a long-term partner either on the train, or, more worryingly, as reinforced by your disclosure that you ”want no disguises”, a Police I.D. Parade, as you ”move on down the line”.
It is suspected that your judgement may have been impaired by ”never sleepin”’ and that there is no guarantee that a stranger on the Underground, or for that matter, from the Underworld is likely to be ”sweet and kind’.’
”Whatever You Do, Wherever You Go”, Ms. Dean, I implore you to be cautious in your quest and not to explore ”every place you can”.
Yours
Derek Philpott
Dear Mr Philpott
Think not of “Searchin’” as a light-hearted missive, extolling the virtues of promiscuity.
No! This work should be considered a seminal piece – a late 20th Century celebration of the seeking of love above all else.
“Searchin’
Looking for love
All the time I can.
Searchin’
Looking for love
I’ve got to find a man.”
This is not a transient pop song, but should be compared as contemporary to the popularist lyrics of Byron, Browning, Rossetti and Wilde.
Were these great romantics ever concerned by the trivialities of sleep sir? I think not.
As the great Oscar Wilde himself wrote:
“You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.”
Additionally, aspersions cast on my predilection for members of the criminal fraternity are most unwelcome and unfounded,and I would therefore be grateful if you could leave me to my insomnia and romantic musings in peace.
Further to this, over the past 35 years I have received 100’s of photographs of dull establishments bearing any vague semblance of my name, in its many variants. The highlights of which include a B&B in Blackpool, and cattery in Crewe and a hovel somewhere slightly South of Brighton.
Why people presume these will interest or even slightly amuse me, I do not know.
Would you enjoy receiving a steady and annually persistent selection of “Philpotts Avenue’s”, “Philpotts Crescents” and “The Philpott Home for the Perpetually Ridiculous”? The novelty wears off very quickly I can assure you.
Quite frankly Mr Philpott the locating of your friends at Hazeldene, Chievely, is of absolutely no interest to me whatsoever.
Yours aggrievedly
Hazell Dean
Author Interview:
1: Tell us a little about yourself and what got you in to writing?
My pen-name is Dave Philpott and, alongside my dad, I write deliberately demented letters to iconic rock and pop stars regarding their lyrics, and we publish their replies – they are all in on the joke – with full consent. My dad says hilarious things about records he hears on the radio:
”Yesterday those Weather Girls said that around half past ten there was going to be a shower of geezers.. I put on a hard hat, specially.. I took it off about quarter to eleven. They were talking absolute poppycock”
… and I take notes and formulate his ramblings into fully formed letters. I came into writing as a stenographer I suppose.
2: Do you have a favourite time and place where you write?
That doesn’t really come into it. We contact the pop stars and tell them about our mad little world and hope they’ll agree to join in and be a part of it. We can sometimes go a few weeks without any material to work with. Then a whole stack might come back and tell us they really love the idea and so we have to crack on and write a slew of silly letters. Any time or place is good for us, we love writing and sending the letters off and waiting for the replies is something pretty exciting because we don’t know what each pop star will come back with.
3: Where do your ideas come from?
We’ll listen to famous song by our latest victim – sorry, ‘volunteer’, and dissect the lyrics. We’ll either find a genuine line that makes no sense and home in on that or if we can’t find anything we’ll just pretend to get the wrong end of the stick for comedic purposes, knowing full well that we’ll be put in our place.
An example of the former would be, say, Aloe Blacc, who tells us that a dollar is what he needs. He then proposes to share his story if we share a dollar with him. Well, firstly, what if the story’s a bit rubbish and we don’t want to pay for it? If Amazon Kindle refunds these days are anything to by, this is a common issue. Secondly, to literally share a dollar would be only to part with half of it. Therefore, Blacc in reality either only needs 50 cents (not the rapper in duplicate) or hasn’t thought his request through and will still be half a dollar short by the end of the transaction. It really isn’t good enough, Mr. Blacc.
An example of the latter would be Lady Gaga. She tell us, ”I was born this way”, but we’d be very surprised if the young lady had entered the world in a frock made of bacon with a telephone stuck to her head.
Do you have a plan in your head of where the story is going before you start writing or do you let it carry you along as you go?
No we just put on our ‘deranged member of the public’ heads and listen to the songs ‘in character’. Because we cannot anticipate the artists who’ll agree to be part of the project everything has to be done spontaniously and quickly.
5: What genre are your books and what drew you to that genre?
It’s a genre of its own because the project is unique. People compare us to The Timewaster Letters and the Bob Servant ‘Delete at your Peril’ stuff, which we adore. We also love Viz and are flattered to say that they love us too. We also get compared with Henry Root but that is a lazy analogy. Firstly, the writing is poor and secondly he’s vicious. There’s nothing funny about ranting. Calm lunacy is far funnier. Let’s call it ‘Interactive Polite Pop Lunacy’.
6: What dream cast would you like to see playing the characters in your latest book?
Well, all the pop stars are real, so I suppose they’re playing themselves anyway! And we are playing overblown, exaggerated versions of ourselves, so it’s already cast.
7: Do you read much and if so who are your favourite authors?
I used to! Hemingway, Camus, Mailer..it will change next week. I’m a big fan of Ronson and I love Mark Kermode too
8: What book/s are you reading at present?
Zen Rabbit’s Holistic Guide to Crop Circles by Rob Buckle and Rough Notes by Bruce Thomas
9: What is your favourite book and why?
The Outsider by Albert Camus. A deceptively simplistic written masterpiece about the ludicrous beings that we are.
10: What advice would you give for someone thinking about becoming a writer?
Don’t be karaoke – make your own music.
11: What are the best Social Media Sites for people to find out about you and your work?
Website: www.unbound.com/books/dear-mr-pop-star
Facebook: www.facebook.com/ThePhilpotts
Twitter: @derekphilpott
About the Authors:
Derek and Dave Philpott are the nom de plumes of two ordinary members of the public, working with help from a small family and, crucially, a worldwide social networking community. Neither they, or anybody assisting with the creative aspects of this project had any connections with the music, entertainment, media or publishing industries whatsoever at the time of its commencement. Despite these humble origins, however, they now find themselves in the bizarre but enviable position whereby many pop stars and people within these circles are their friends “in real life’” (whatever that means!). Many artists consider “getting a Dereking” as a badge of honour, and, as one has participant succinctly put it-
‘’This is an ingenious and extremely inventive concept. You have given us a platform to answer questions that have been asked of us for years by our fans, and respond on a public platform of immense fun. You’ve created a weird and wonderful world loved and admired by 1,000s of people worldwide, and you have your own army of loyal fans. That pretty much makes you part of ‘us lot’ now!’’
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